currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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