If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Someone came in the potted fern
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
