Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
