You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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