Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
