Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
