i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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