We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
