why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
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He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
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My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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