I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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