In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
