I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
