Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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