o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Randomize
