I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
