bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
