it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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