Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
