just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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