she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
