My sheets look like a crime scene.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
