unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
