What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
