he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
These tits shall not be calmed
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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