I CAN MOONWALK!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
