A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
