So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
don't judge my taste in strippers
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
