i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
