did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
whose ass print is on the piano?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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