Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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