He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
