I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
