My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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