I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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