does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
