paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
