I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize