please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Boobs are out for the taking
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
