I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
