I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
