I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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