i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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