Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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