Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
