I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
