I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
