Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
