I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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