Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
