i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
