Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
