next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
