ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
