matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Dear god my vagina.
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