I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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