why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
