I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
