I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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