Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
