i don't like sucking hair
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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