At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
