one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.