GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?