do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
