she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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