u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
