He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
