ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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