i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
