I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
