I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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