at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
