i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
