Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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