So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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