I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
