Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I wish i was in the wii world.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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