Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
