Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
