a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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