I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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