We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
