Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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