i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
