No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
