You can't special order awesome
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
