The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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