Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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