My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
