The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
